Week 33

Whoops, missed bloggin in week 32. that week seemed to be a milestone as far as timing goes, because that is the 8TH MONTH! Which meant that I had 8 or so weeks left, and made me panic a bit. However, the reason I didn't blog was because it was the week after the helicopter crash and memorials, and I worked with Ang all week to help the company (and her) get caught up. So I blew off the chauvanist and endured my hip pain at her office to make a little difference in the world. Felt good! Plus, it would be nice to be noticed at their company so that I can work there part time after I am ready to go back to work.

Now week 33 begins. I am feeling better, although still have hip pain, but it popped a couple times, which is what it felt like I needed...

Still working with Ang and Elliot to get full time pay for a few weeks, which is nice... (the money, not working with Elliot...)

And then it was Adam's birthday! We celebrated at Charles and Tina's send off party at their house, which included their 72 or so closest friends... And of course, I told everyone it was his birthday and that he needed to get DA-RUNK! Which he did... and we had a lot of fun. How sweet of them to have the party on his birthday. It was catered by Anderson's BBQ, and we all had a blast. Made plans with Nick and Sharron to have brunch on July 5th at our new hole in the wall breakfast place in the downtown part of the town in which we reside. That will be fun.

And here it is, Saturday afternoon, and I have such bad edema, I am supposed to be only lying on each side for an hour at a time before flipping to the other side. B-O-R-I-N-G!! Better than being completely bed ridden, which is still a concern dude!

BUT, the edema started thursday night after we had dinner with Kelley and Mickey at Chili's, and then went to Charles and Tina's to help fill up the 2nd pod, I monitored closely from a chair nearby - while keeping an eye on Claire with Charles Sr. Very important business, this monitoring was. Sad, very very SAD to see them go.

However, before the going...is the staying! They, including Sarah, are staying at our house as of last night, every weekend until the end of July. Unless the baby comes sooner, at which time Charles will already be in Indiana, and Tina, Claire and Sarah may not want to stay with us anyways, due to the chaos, and the fact that Claire will have no more crib to sleep in here. Plus, I will be half neked and breast feeding almost constantly, I'm sure! Whatev! I am glad they are here! Plus we inherited the remains of their liquor cabinet! HAHA! You know what I will; be doing at some point hopefully this year!!! Yeah, you got it! DRINKING!! Anywho..

They are very sweet and are making the stay with us as easy as they can be. Abby and Niner are being a little bit of a pain because they bark at their comings and goings way too much, as far as I am concerned. Luckily, Claire sleeps pretty well, considering the changes she is going thru enduring her first move, and her bitchiness is not too terrible. Although my patience is not much better.

Hearing her cries for attention, that do not accompany tears, ANNOYS THE SHIT OUT OF ME. And all I want to do is mimic her. Which does really no good at all, but help me not take it all so seriously. I know she is going thru tough stuff here, but my patience is SLIM! It's hot, and Tina cracks me up by wearing one of Adam's long flannel shirts because she is cold. I have not set the thermostat lower than 75 during the day, although I do drop it down some at night. But they are on the air mattress in the office, and that is the warmest room in the house. Claire seems to be enjoying the nursery.

Although we want them to use whatever baby stuff, and other stuff we have, for their convenience, Claire has had a bit (haha) of diarhea and we put a dog towel beneath her to change her on our new changing pad. Tina was fine with that, and Tina has a good cold going herself. But hopefully past the contagious stage. Yeah, that's right, I don't want the cold!! :)

So, I should get back to laying on my side soon, or else Adam will, ahem, make a comment about it, and I want to get better.

Although, I am not sure that I can make it to the bout tomorrow night, because sitting in a hard chair for SEVEN hours is not really what I need to do right now.

OH, and Friday was the worst day I have had in a LONG LONG TIME! So, let's see... edema began Thursday night, then Ang tells me about a second copter crash, with no fatalities in AZ, Heather had her debit card stolen and it was used at the EVILWALMART!!!, June tells me she wants a backup copy of Quickbooks for derby BY SUNDAY, but won't pay me a dime until the new tax guy sends off their tax ppwk, uh... the computer program at Elliot's crashes, and come to find out the encrypted portion of the program I have been backing up for 2 months has only been backing up the stuff as of 4/25, rather than any new data that has been saved, and I hear Elliot in the background on the phone with Tracy the IT guy telling him "I think she screwed it all up", then come to find out that Tracy told Elliot that he NEVER installed that encrypted program, and has no idea why I am doing it in the first place (WHAT THE FUCK?????????????) Assholes!!! All of them. And this is all happening FIFTEEN MINUTES before I am to leave to go home and work on the house before Charles and Tina come over....Elliot walks in just as I am not able to enter a paper, and am calling tech support. So I have to stay another couple hours, all the while see my left foot swelling up much more than my right, and becoming acutely aware of OMG it is still happening... Then, on the way to the bank, call my OB, who tells me that if I notice any hot spots or red spots on the backs of my calves to go directly to the hospital because it is a blod clot, and if not better in a few hours after elevating my feet that I should go to the hospital to be monitored and checked for blood clots!!! So I call Adam crying and scared, driving home. I get home okay, call mom, and dad to let them know (even though dad is in MN). then after elevating my legs for several hours, and no change occuring, calling the dr AGAIN, to talk to the other dr in her practice, and him telling me that I should be lying on my side and flipping every hour, for THIRTY SIX or so hours straight... and Adam comforting me and loving me so deeply and enduring my emotional crisis', and getting nothing done for our houseguests. GUILT!!! Anyways, here it is the next day, and I hear Claire waking from her nap now. Charles and Tina are napping in their "room" and it is all very sad that they are leaving.

I had "put on my sunglasses" (.25 xanax) yesterday at about 2pm, and really didn't notice any difference at all. Frustrating since I was hoping for some mental relief, but didn't want to take a .5 extended release....

So, this is my week, in a nutshell.

OH! So as I walk, the skin on the top of my left foot is so filled with fluid it ACTUALLY slides/squishes around from side to side with every step I take. This is making me limp, so that I step lighter on that foot as not to feel the sensation of squishiness and DISGUST when I take each step.

CAN YA'LL SAY YAY!!!!

Mid week 31

This week must be about epiphanies. I was laying in bed the other night, and just as Adam was falling asleep, I realized (and it was very vivid) that I am going to die someday. The manner of how, and when...I don't know. But the realization came to me very suddenly. And I was afraid. Afraid mostly of what it would be like...to actually DIE, the process of that moment as whatever is happening happens, and my body comes to a halt. Heart stops pumping, blood stops flowing, thoughts end, cut off in whatever mid thought I am having. And I think that was the scariest part. To imagine that my mind would stop thinking whatever it was thinking and not finish the thought. This really has nothing to do with the PHI helicopter crash, in fact my epiphany was last week, and the crash was this last Sunday morning.

Then, I had another epiphany, and now that I am typing I can't remember what it was. Frustrating....Because this was the reason I began this post today, not to write about the dying one.

Although every time I am writing thank you notes, or talking with my mom about "...my son..." I freak out a bit.

Oh wait, my latest fears have turned into...WAIT...here it is....I remebered!!! I was on the way to work this morning and I realized that I feel like I am spending too much of my pregnant time worrying about becoming UN-pregnant. And that was the epiphany of the day (so far)! I spend so much time and energy worrying and thinking, and wondering about becoming un-pregnant...how many contractions I will have on the way to the hospital, how soon I will get the ALMIGHTY drugs at the hospital, will I be in bearing down phase before we get there, what will getting the epidural feel like, will I be too drugged up from the Nubian, will I want to see myself ACTUALLY GIVING BIRTH IN THE MIRROR???? AND THEN... seeing our baby boy for the first time, will he nurse immediatley in the delivery room, will I rub that white creamy stuff into his skin, or will he be cleaned up before I/We get to hold him, how will my undersides feel when the drugs wear off, will I tear or have an episiotomy, how bad will it hurt to pee and poop, will I get some pain pills for recovery, will they be safe for the baby since I will be breastfeeding??? AND THEN...my BOOBS!!! How bad will my nipples hurt, will he latch on properly, will they hurt every time I breastfeed for WEEKS??? When and how long will the baby sleep with us in our room? How exhausted will we be? Will my housecleaning expectations be too high? Will I drive Adam crazy asking him to do things? Will he get up with me every time I feed the baby? Will we feed him in bed? Will I lay on my side to feed him? Will I fall asleep with him feeding, and will I roll over on him accidentally???

So, maybe getting this out , and trying to let it go is good for me. How successful will I be at letting it go??? Hmm, there's a good question. I feel like I should shut up my brain some and just enjoy where I am at NOW! Am I NOW-HERE? or NO-WHERE????

PHI Air Medical Memorial Today

What an emotional service to watch. I cried most when the man was telling the story about how he went to Colorado to find the base manager, tell hime the news, and bring him home. Luckily, Elliot had left the office just as he began his speech, so that I was able to watch some, and listen to all of it. My heart aches for those families, and for the PHI Family.

June 9, 2008, cool and 31 weeks!

AND I HAVE THE WINDOWS OPEN!!! I can't believe it! Went outside with the dogs and it was cooler than it was inside! I knew something was odd when I heard the A/C kick OFF around 5:30pm...

Well, I think the baby is going through a growth spurt...all of a sudden tonite my tummy feels really heavy, like pulling me forward heavy, like harder to get up all of a sudden heavy. It is strange. Maybe its because I just finished the biscuits and gravy. But there were only 2 biscuits left. It's not anymore than I would normally eat, and I am FULL. But I think it's the baby.

I feel like I have been shopping online with a vengeance! I bought Adam's birthday presents the other day, I got maternity panties, I ordered 3 (yes 3) Ipod car chargers, because mine broke, and these 3 with shipping was cheaper than the ONE we bought at the apple store over a year ago, and I don't want to have to get a new ipod battery...

Of course now that I look it up on Amazon, I find they have them for like $10 plus shipping.

Although - now that I have signed up for amazon prime, I can't find anything that I am shopping for that qualifies for the super saver shipping. Irritating...

Back to shopping, I have found a laundry hamper that I am about to buy. It is $20 and iron, and I may keel over if, after sorting the laundry on the closet floor, I find one more HUGE cockroach. So, I am about to make this purchase. We may have a delivery every day for the next week or so!

Oh, and I must confess, it must be the hormones, but all of a sudden (in the last month or two) I am strangely attracted to MIKE ROWE!!! With a sickness! Every time I see him on dirty jobs, or some old you tube of QVC, or perhaps signing the National Anthem, http://youtube.com/watch?v=1xhSBniwGbM&feature=related , or one of my favorites http://youtube.com/watch?v=WN7D-iTOvTQ&feature=related I just can't get enough. I mean I have Dirty Jobs paused on tivo RIGHT NOW!

I go back for my 2 week visit on Thursday, and then another Maternal Fetal Medicine appointment a week from tomorrow, which means it has been another month. I will only have ONE more MFM visit, after next week, before the baby comes!!! WOW!! It is getting so close.

I have been OCD'ing on other pains after birth, besides my 'undercarriage' being completely destroyed for a while, I have nipple pain to look forward to. OH BOY! The baby will want to feed about 8-12 times PER DAY, sucking on the same 2 places, over and over and over again. And we cannot begin bottle feeding until he is a month old or so, because he will get 'nipple confusion'. I will get pee'd on, sucked until raw, awoken ALOT, bleed, and STILL BE SOBER for all of this excitement! But, there will be a sweet little baby boy relying on me completely to sustain his life, and make him as happy and comfortable as possible. I sure hope I can take some sort of vicodin or something, and least to help alleviate my vaginal floor discomfort (if you will). This, I look forward to the least.

However, Adam will be staying home with me for a month, and this reminds me, we will need to get the paternal leave paperwork back from the doctor on Thursday. (Niner is smiling and panting furiously right now...)

Didn't sleep for shit last night. Kept thinking about all these damn lists I need to make. Bris invitation lists, thank you notes, I can't even remember what else... OH! ADAM IS HOME!!!!

Week 30 - thought it was 31, whoops!

My reminder this morning said I was beginning week 31. That was a bit frightening. Thought I lost a week. nope, just skipped week 29 in my calendar somehow. WHEW!

The shower this weekend was really lovely. Adam and I had a great time, and we got some really cool presents. We spent the reset of the evening at the bout, and got home around midnight, exhausted. Both fell asleep while waiting for Ang to show up. Then I dreampt about baby stuff all night, and woke up sunday in FULL ON NESTING MODE. Wanted to get everything put away, washed, returned or exchanged, bob blawlaw...

Went to bed at 11:30 or so, with no nap yesterday, and dreampt again about stuff we need, stuff we need to do, things I have to get, laundry, and it just kept rolling in mah brain! We did get to see Tina's brother Brian for a while yesterday. He seems to be doing well. His work is good, and he is growing a garden too, complaining that it is cold in Connecticut...

Today, sleep in til 8ish, and do more laundry, put my laundry away, put some baby stuff away, washed more baby stuff... I will need to iron some of the bibs that got curled up in the washer. YES I said IRON BIBS!!! I am shocked at the thought, but that is what nesting is I guess...

Anyways, have a terrible sinus headache behind my right eye and behind both ears. I can feel it throbbing in my cheek bone too. SUCK... I know if I take a benadryl, I will be down for the count. So, trying to hold out for a while longer. I keep eating thinking that may help, but doesn't.

Frances is going to buy us the big stroller which comes with the small car seat. We will buy the extra base, and the car seat protector for Adam's car. We will also need to get the bigger car seat, but that won't be needed for a year.

But, so far, all the baby things have been put away. I need to get some prices on shelving for the walls, and get some things from Home Depot to fix a couple cabinets in the kitchen, but we are all organized.

I think tonite we are going to put together the swing, and stroller, and hopefully the basonet and move my nighttable and dresser a bit, so that it can fit on my side of the bed. Busy busy busy.

Plus, I need some things at the grocery store, and need to put up the rest of the baby clothes and IRON THE BIBS....

Very exciting. I can't wait to get home to do more stuff.